Episode 13

Finally, here it is. So sorry for telling you I'd get it up and then not.

Rural, wooded area. Rustic lodge. Josh and Caelyn pull up and get out of the car.

Josh: Out and about.

Caelyn: I’m sorry?

Josh: We’re out. We’re among the people. The citizenry. The common folk. The unwashed masses.

Caelyn: And this is feeding your ego why?

Josh: They just seem so small.

Caelyn: Right.

Josh: This feels right. Doesn’t it feel right? The air, the vibes. Like bowling and… beaches.

Caelyn: Are you okay?

Josh: I think this fresh air is intoxicating.

Caelyn (beat): Okay, when we go to talk to the guy? You can’t speak.

Josh: Then how will he know how good I’m feeling?

Caelyn: Everybody wins. (opens door of a rustic shack store called the “Last Chance Lagoon“, they go in)

Josh: Bally-ho, good people!

Everyone turns to look.

Caelyn: You can’t- I- (beat) …

Josh: Come on, Cae. We’re working with the masses! This is fun. Have fun with it.

Caelyn: “Bally-ho???”

Josh: Yes, Bally-Ho. As in the acknowledged and customary affable greeting of dwarves.

Caelyn (whisper): Josh, they’re not little people!

Brian: Are you the monster guys?

Josh: No, we’re normal. Just like you, if not a bit elevated in terms of status… disposition. (beat) Hygiene.

Caelyn: We’re with ADTE.

Brian: Is he okay?

Caelyn: He’s not used to sunlight. It does…(glances at Josh) unfortunate things. Um, are you Darrin Hobbs?

Brian: Hobbs is in the back. I’ll go get him. (beat) I’m Brian.

Caelyn (nods, beat): Yeah, if you could get Mr. Hobbs, that would be great.

Brian: Okay. (walks away slowly).

Josh (leans over to Caelyn, excitedly): They talk funny, too!

Caelyn (harsh whisper): Would you knock it off?! Get over there.

Josh laughs. Caelyn tries not to smile.

Hobbs: You the feds?

Josh (glances at Caelyn): No. No, we’re the gumshoes. The pinks are outside, but I don’t think we’ll see the g-men until last decade.

Hobbs: What?

Caelyn: We’re with ADTE.

Josh: I’m Joshua Moritz. This is Caelyn “Sweater Vest” Lollygaggle. We work the dark streets with even darker secrets. My father was a shipbuilder, my mother - an oil baron.

Caelyn (rolls eyes): You’re the one that called about the disturbance?

Hobbs: Yes, ma’am. It was real as this building.

Josh: And palpable as your grandfather’s hickory stump, am I right?

Caelyn: Excuse us for just a second.

Hobbs watches them oddly as Caelyn pulls Josh aside.

Caelyn: I’m trying to do a job here!

Josh: Yes - and remarkably well, I might add.

Caelyn: So don’t you think you should let me actually do it?

Josh: Do what?

Caelyn: Josh, I don’t want to be here! I’m a city girl. I like noise and pollution and beggars and subways. Please, please (fake crying) ple-e-e-e-ease don’t drag this out.

Josh: Caelyn, are you imply there is something lacking in the majesty that is “The Last Chance Lagoon?” Because I hold my friends to standards.

Caelyn (pitifully): Josh, I want to go home.

Josh: It’s been three hours.

Caelyn: I don’t think I can take any more.

Josh (walking away): Shouldn’t I be wearing a laurel wreath?

Caelyn (whines as he walks away): Josh?

Hobbs: Is everything okay, ma’am?

Caelyn: It can’t possibly be.

Hobbs: You look peaked. You need something to drink? Brian’s got some whiskey in the back room.

Caelyn (beat): Josh!

Fade out.

Fade in. Last Chance Lagoon. Josh is eating a sandwich. He, Caelyn, and Hobbs are sitting at a table.

Caelyn: Can you describe what you saw?

Hobbs: Sure can. Big, ugly thing. I knew right away it was something for the feds.

Josh (mouth full): But instead you called us.

Hobbs: What’d he say?

Caelyn: It’s a good thing you called us.

Josh: No I didn’t.

Caelyn: Where was this creature at when you… witnessed it?

Hobbs: Down by the river where the creek turns into Rodger’s Bend.

Caelyn: And what was it doing?

Hobbs: Nothing.

Caelyn: I’m sorry?

Hobbs: It was just sitting there.

Josh: This is really good. You want a bite?

Caelyn: I don’t.

Josh: I think you would if you tried it.

Caelyn (sweetly with strained undertones): But I’m not going to try it.

Josh: You should.

Caelyn: I don’t-

Josh: Just one bite.

Caelyn (visibly frustrated, nods severely and takes a bite)(chews, spits it out): Oh my- I’m gonna throw up. (Runs to the bathroom)

Josh: Wasn’t ready for the special sauce.

Hobbs: It has quite a kick.

Josh: It really does.

Shift.

Alec: Kevin, what’s the best color for the carpet in the reception area?

Kevin: What?

Alec: I’m asking what the best color for the reception area is.

Kevin: I… don’t know?

Alec: And you see? You see how that lack of knowledge is not hampering you in anyway? You notice a complete lack of grief? Of suffering? Of torment?

Kevin: You need to relax.

Alec: My future-wife says relaxing is the devil’s workshop.

Kevin: No, she doesn’t.

Alec: Okay, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she started.

Kevin: Maybe a vacation. A trip to some tropical place where you can be served tangy fruit juices all day long.

Alec (beat): I burn easily.

Kevin (sighs): You depress me.

Alec: I depress me.

Kevin: You’re getting married. You’re supposed to be happy.

Alec: I am happy. And tired. And frustrated, because floral prints just aren’t what they used to be.

Kevin: Ain’t that the truth.

Shift. Hobbs is showing Josh and Caelyn through a forested area toward the river.

Hobbs: Right here is where Donny Lepton shot his bear.

Josh: Donny Lepton had a bear?

Caelyn: He shot it?

Hobbs: It wasn’t his, at the time.

Josh: Donny Lepton shot someone else’s bear?

Hobbs: Wild critter.

Josh: Most of the Leptons are.

Caelyn: The bear.

Hobbs: Yeah.

Josh: So this monster you saw. Was it at night?

Hobbs: Yep.

Josh: Pretty big, dark colored, making guttural noises?

Hobbs: That’s exactly right. Is that what them ghoul things do?

Josh: No.

Hobbs: I don’t-

Josh: Is this the spot?

Hobbs: Yes sir, right over there.

Josh: Me and Officer Doodles will check it out. You wait here in case it’s still around.

Hobbs: You think it might still be here- in the day time?

Josh: Most definitely. (to Caelyn) Schmoopsie.

They go through the foliage to the spot.

Caelyn: So, if not a ghoul, then what are we looking for? Doesn’t sound like a banshee.

Josh: Well, I don’t you to overreact to this, but what I was describing was a North American grizzly.

Caelyn: Josh.

Josh: Caelyn.

Caelyn: If we’re out here-

Josh: I just said-

Caelyn: Josh, if we’re out here hunting-

Josh: I said, Caelyn, don’t overreact. I said, I know that you’re emotional, and a woman, and therefore an emotional woman, but I need you to not overreact, and you said-

Caelyn: Josh! A bear!?

Josh: And you said “Josh, you manly-man, I won’t ever-”

Caelyn turns around and walks away.

Josh: Caelyn. Cae- come on. Caelyn, this is fun. (follows her, she is stopped, looking down) What?

Caelyn: I don’t think bears do that.

A puddle of orangish bile is in front of them.

Josh: Ah, crap. (Beat) Get it? ‘Cause it’s a- (Caelyn walks away) A- a pile… (beat, follows)

Shift.

Alec (on phone): Hey, how’s the boonies?

Josh: Dude, I wish you were here.

Alec: Yeah, my fiancée just got off the phone with Caelyn. Apparently you moonlight as Satan?

Josh: Caelyn’s a city girl.

Alec: I’ve got my own problems.

Josh: I wasn’t-

Alec: Ess is all jittery, and hyper, and stressed, and it’s making me-

Josh: Twitch?

Alec: No.

Josh: Sneeze?

Alec: Josh.

Josh: Sorry.

Alec: I mean, I don’t blame her. This is a big deal.

Josh: Huge deal.

Alec: Yeah, I mean, what other decision compares to this? I’ll tell you - not one.

Josh: Yeah.

Alec: Not a single other decision or event compares to one’s wedding.

Josh: I don’t know, I find the cheddar/mozzarella choice particularly daunting.

Alec: Anyway, that’s life here. So there really is something out there?

Josh: Either the locals are drinking way too much V-8 or we have a live one.

Alec: Well… might want to disprove the tomato juice end before you call in a squad.

Josh: Yeah. Okay, I have to go see if Caelyn brought any gloves.

Alec: Hey, you know what you’re saying for the toast?

Josh: We’re having toast?

Alec: A toast. At the wedding.

Josh: Oh, yeah, I’m good.

Alec: Josh, I don’t know a lot of her family still, so if you could not embarrass-

Josh: Don’t worry about it. I’ve got Shakespeare, Moore, a little John Jay, a little King, some Whedon stuff. It’s gonna be great.

Alec: You’re going to quote John Jay at my wedding?

Josh: Guy was buddies with Hamilton. You know they had to have stories.

Alec: I have to go.

Josh: You know what Thomas Moore says-

Alec: (hangs up)

Josh: He didn’t want to know what Thomas Moore said. (looks around) Caelyn!

Caelyn (enters): What?

Josh: You know what I’m thinking?

Caelyn: That these guys are pulling a prank in an attempt to bring some pathetic excitement to their lives?

Josh: Wow, that wasn’t even close.

Caelyn: The bile was far too concentrated, and nothing Hobbs described even creates stuff like that. Either we have two completely unrelated incidents, or someone is making a poor attempt at faking a presence.

Josh: I was thinking that we need to bring some of that special sauce back with us.

Caelyn: I will shoot you.

Josh: That would make your mother very sad.

Caelyn: She’d get over it.

Josh: She would weep and wail, and then sow together a quilt with all the major points of my life on display.

Caelyn: And then put it in the doghouse for Mr. Bimms.

Josh (beat): Mr. Bimms?

Caelyn (quieter): I didn’t name him.

Josh: Poor thing probably got a wedgie on a daily basis at obedience school.

Caelyn: Shut up.

Josh: So we going to go question some people?

Caelyn: We?

Josh: Claude Raines.

Caelyn: Humphrey Bogart.

Josh: Lee Cobb.

Caelyn: Ellen Burstyn.

Josh (beat): Ellen Burstyn.

Caelyn: Sorry, you lose.

Josh: Wait, wait, wait.

Caelyn: Spanked you. I put you in a bag and beat you like a red-headed stepchild.

Josh: Wow.

Caelyn: Hugh Jackman, Rachel Weisz. Nicholas Cage? Come on, I smoked you.

Josh: But-

Caelyn: Smoked!

Josh (beat): This bites.

Caelyn: My day is looking better.

Josh: That’s because the general outlook of your day is dependent on things like this. Little contests, and jelly beans. (beat, muttering) Colin Firth movies.

Caelyn: Smoked.

Josh: Stop saying that.

Caelyn: I smoked you. I smoked you like a cheap cigarette in a sleazy bar.

Josh: That’s a horrible metaphor.

Caelyn: Simile.

Josh: Horrible.

Caelyn: Whatever.

Josh: You should have said “like a salmon in Chinatown.”

Caelyn: They do sushi.

Josh: You can smoke sushi.

Caelyn: I don’t think so.

Josh: Have you ever eaten sushi?

Caelyn (beat): No.

Josh: Then I win. I get to kick dirt on your shoes. (opens door for her)

They enter “Lagoon.”

Josh: Yo, Hobbie! What’s up with the con, man?

Hobbs: Conman?

Josh: The con, comma, man.

Hobbs: What?

Josh: Who spilled the juice? Was it you? This kid, Billings?

Caelyn: Brian.

Josh: Brian.

Hobbs: I don’t know what you’re saying.

Josh (talking fast): You think you can dance around me, fine, but I have low blood pressure and a cooler full of macaroni, so what say we get down to brass facts and leave the flip-flops to the beach bunnies?

Caelyn: Josh.

Josh: I don’t know what you’re cooking, Hip-hobbles, but it ain’t sailing. They don’t call this one (gestures to Caelyn) the Scum-Sniffing Shrimper for nothing.

Hobbs (confused): I don’t-

Josh: Never mind, he’s clean.

Caelyn: Josh!

Josh: Shrimper?

Caelyn: How do you- what-… I’m going to cry, Josh.

Josh: Do us a favor, and gather every gun-wielding varmint around. I need a posse!

Shift to ADTEO. (Ess is sitting on floor, looking at magazines and pictures. Alec walks in)

Alec: Hey. You okay?

Ess: I can’t decide on colors.

Alec: You’re tired. It’s okay.

Ess: This is hard.

Alec: I think you should take a break.

Ess: I can’t.

Alec: Yeah, you can. And you must.

Ess: I need to pick colors.

Alec: How about this one?

Ess: That’s disgusting.

Alec (beat): Oh. Well, you have plenty of time still-

Ess: I do NOT have time!

Alec: Okay.

Ess: Sorry.

Alec: It’s okay. (beat) So Josh is going to quote Moore in his toast.

Ess: Roger?

Alec (laughs): Thomas.

Ess: What does Thomas Moore have to say about our wedding?

Alec: I don’t know about you, but I’m dying to find out.

Ess: Didn’t he get guillotined?

Alec: Beheaded?

Ess: Yeah.

Alec: I think so.

Ess: ’Cause that’s definitely the image I want on my special day.

Alec: Maybe you can get some help.

Ess: Like psychiatry?

Alec: On the wedding plans.

Ess: Caelyn’s helping.

Alec: Well, she’ll be back soon. Until then, why don’t you take a little break?

Ess (sighs): Is there work, you know, I should be doing, out there?

Alec: We got it covered.

Ess: Then I’m going to just, um, stay here.

Alec: And continue to not pick out colors?

Ess: Yes.

Alec (beat): Want me to help?

Ess: No, it’s okay. I can be indecisive on my own.

Alec (laughs, kisses her forehead): Okay.

Shift. Rural area.

Caelyn (on phone): Anything?

Janie (on phone): Yeah, it’s definitely infected. I wouldn’t think there’s too many, though.

Caelyn: Okay, thanks, Janie.

Janie: So you guys having fun?

Caelyn: No. Not really. Josh is, but he’s stupid.

Janie: I’ve never thought Josh was stupid. Wordy, maybe.

Caelyn: He’s stupid. I want to come home.

Janie: But he’s having fun?

Caelyn: Because he’s-

Janie: Stupid, yeah.

Caelyn: How’s Ess?

Janie: She’s okay.

Caelyn: Sitting on the floor by herself?

Janie: Yup.

Caelyn: I should be there.

Janie: Maybe. Or maybe you should be doing your job.

Caelyn: Hey!

Janie: Sorry, I was channeling your uncle.

Caelyn: Uh, yeah! Don’t do that.

Janie: Speaking of which, he and that tooty-fruity girl of his-

Caelyn: Melanie?

Janie: - have been talking for a long time. You don’t think they’re breaking up, do you?

Caelyn: You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Janie: Your uncle is a very eligible man, my dear.

Caelyn: Don’t-don’t say things like that. I’m hanging up. Ew. Bye.

Janie (laughs): Bye-bye.

Caelyn walks back to Josh.

Josh: A communal spirit.

Caelyn: Josh.

Josh: A community of souls willing to help one another; baking pies and forming posses.

Caelyn: You know, you confound me.

Josh: I know; you wonder how someone so smart can be so pretty.

Caelyn: You mock these people incessantly while at the same time you clearly admire the simplicity of their way of life.

Josh: It’s not admiration as much as…-

Caelyn: Envy?

Josh (beat): I walk down the street every day and never see a familiar face. I mean, isn’t there- isn’t there the least desire to be a major component in a society? A neighborly commune, or a large family atmosphere?

Caelyn: I think I am.

Josh: Okay, but you’re naïve and immature.

Caelyn: People don’t have to be friends to be part of a community. Whether or not I play bingo with the mayor ‘slash’ taxidermist-…

Josh (laughs): Yeah.

Caelyn (smiles): I’m not saying it’s not quaint. But the quaint comes with… misconceptions… and special sauces.

Josh: You just used a double negative.

Caelyn: You know what? You can just-

They come up to the group of volunteers.

Josh: Gentlemen, today we will be hunting a brood. It’s simply a group of four to six infected simians.

Hobbs: Simians?

Josh (beat, stares): Monkeys.

Volunteer1: We’re hunting monkeys?

Josh: Infected simians. (beat, sees Brian’s hand raised) Brian?

Brian: I thought monkeys didn’t live in these parts.

Josh: Much like the infection.

Hobbs: I don’t understand.

Caelyn: Someone brought it here.

(murmuring)

Volunteer2: Well, who’d do a thing like that?

Josh: Don’t know. (beat) Brian?

Brian: I read that monkeys only have one or two… kids, baby-things.

Josh: Depends on the species, but yeah, the infection generally tends to increase offspring.

Brian: That’s weird.

Josh (beat) : Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Caelyn: They’re only a few days old, but they can be dangerous, so we’re going to ask you to hunt in pairs.

Josh: Brian?

Brian: What about the mother?

Caelyn: The mother would have been consumed by the young shortly after giving birth.

(Murmuring)

Brian: Oh.

Caelyn: If any of you should come across any sign of their presence, radio Agent Moritz and myself immediately. Fire only if they exhibit hostile behavior and you feel threatened.

Josh (cheerfully): Brian?

Brian: Can they climb?

Josh: Can they climb?

Brian: Like… trees?

Josh: Can they climb trees?

Brian: Yeah.

Josh (beat): Sure, why not.

Caelyn: Does everyone have their radios? (turns to Josh) You have anything to add?

Josh: Don’t toot the foghorn if your hat is still on fire.

Caelyn: And with that, good luck. (people disperse; beat) What was that?

Josh: Tidbit of wisdom. Sometimes it just radiates from me.

Caelyn: You scare me, Joshua.

Josh: No kidding. Let’s get some waffles.

Shift. Gerrard’s office.

Gerrard: Retire?

Melanie: Not right away. Just, you know, ever?

Gerrard: Why?

Melanie: I’m curious.

Gerrard: Your curious.

Melanie: I am. I’m curious about my future and your future because there’s a good chance it might be our future, and therefore, I am… curious… about it.

Gerrard (beat): I don’t know.

Melanie: That’s okay.

Gerrard: No, I mean… I guess I just assumed I would. (beat) When I got older.

Melanie: Yeah.

Gerrard: I’m getting older now, aren’t I?

Melanie: You have a ways.

Gerrard (laughs): Sure I do.

Melanie: That’s not the point.

Gerrard: Retirement.

Melanie: I didn’t mean to suggest-

Gerrard: I know. I suppose I should start thinking about it, though.

Melanie: For later, maybe.

Gerrard: Yeah.

Melanie (beat): So.

Gerrard (smiles): What?

Melanie: Luke Sorrason is gone.

Gerrard: He is. Transferred departments.

Melanie: You okay with that?

Gerrard: Am I okay with that?

Melanie: Yeah.

Gerrard: Why wouldn’t I be?

Melanie: ‘Cause I know you liked him.

Gerrard: He was a good officer.

Melanie: Fit in well.

Gerrard: Sure.

Melanie: Why do you think he transferred?

Gerrard: What are you getting at?

Melanie: You seem sad.

Gerrard; I’m not sad.

Melanie: I think you are, and I tend to be right.

Gerrard: This time you’re not.

Melanie: I am. In fact, I always am. I was just being modest earlier.

Gerrard (laughs, beat): I don’t know; I mean, I hand-picked him.

Melanie: Yeah.

Gerrard: It’s okay, though. Seriously, I’m fine.

Melanie: Okay.

Shift. Last Chance Lagoon. Josh and Caelyn in a booth. Josh is eating, Caelyn is doing a crossword.

Caelyn: Who played Worf?

Josh: Sorry?

Caelyn: On Star Trek. Who played Lt. Worf?

Josh: Michael Dorn.

Caelyn: Dorn. Thanks.

Josh: These waffles are delicious.

Caelyn: Not hungry.

Josh: Good, ‘cause they’re too delicious to share. They’re like nirvanic waffles.

Caelyn: That’s not a word.

Josh: Sure it is.

Caelyn: Waffles can be nirvanic?

Josh: Surprised me too, but here they are.

Caelyn: Okay.

Josh: You know what’s great about blueberries?

Caelyn: Yeah, but I like to hear you say it.

Josh: They go with everything.

Caelyn: Do they?

Josh: They do. Name a food.

Caelyn: I’m not gonna-

Josh: Name a food.

Caelyn: Ravioli.

Josh (beat): Okay, so not everything. (Radio buzzes)

Hobbs (on radio): Agent Mort? Agent Heaton? This is Hobbes. Do you read me?

Josh (beat): Loud and clear, Habbs.

Hobbs: We found the little beasts down by the river.

Josh: Okay, give us your location and we’ll come take care-

Hobbs: No need, Agent. We took care of the critters.

Josh: You… attacked them?

Hobbs: Sure did. Sure were some funny-looking’ buggers.

Josh: Like “ha ha” funny?

Hobbs: Made a mess though. That stuff ain’t contagious, is it?

Josh: Uh, yeah.

Hobbs: Oh. (beat) Um, what-

Josh: No, wait. I’m wrong. It’s not contagious. Absolutely harmless. Unless you ingest it. (beat) Did you ingest it, Hobbie?

Hobbs: You mean, eat it?

Josh: Ok then. Listen, we still need to come down and confirm the kill, so pinpoint your locale for us, won’t you?

Hobbs: Yeah, will do. Just make your way to the river, and go south. And then, ah, one of our boys will be there, and they’ll bring you here. Over.

Josh: (to Caelyn): The special sauce was weak, blueberries don’t go with ravioli, and we’re surrounded by trigger-happy hicks. You ready to go yet?

Caelyn: I’d kiss you if I weren’t busy rushing to the car. (smiles and stands up)

Josh: Car’s locked.

Caelyn: So?

Josh (shrugs): What’s the rush?

Caelyn (giggles): Cute.

Josh: I’m adorable.

Caelyn: You’re an idiot.

Josh: Also, adorable.

Caelyn: Maybe.

Josh: Maybe? (opens door for her)

Caelyn: The jury’s out. (they exit)

Shift.

Gerrard: What are you two doing here?

Alec: I’m calculating the gas mileage to Vegas.

Ess: Which floral design? (holds up two pictures)

Gerrard: White one.

Ess (smacks Alec): See that?

Alec: Hey, I was like that. That was me, 14 hours ago. Put him in this Pandora’s box for awhile and see how decisive he is.

Ess: We’ve barely started.

Alec: And that makes me very sad.

Gerrard: Enjoy it.

Alec: You enjoy it.

Ess: Knock it off.

Alec: You- (Ess hits him)

Gerrard: Alec, can I talk to you for a second?

Alec: I don’t know, boss. I’m kind of integral here-

Ess: Get out.

Alec: Let’s talk. (follows Gerrard out to the hallway)

Gerrard: Hey.

Alec: Hey.

Gerrard: She okay?

Alec: Yeah. Excited. You know, she’s good.

Gerrard: Melanie was here today.

Alec: Yeah.

Gerrard: She brought up retirement.

Alec: She’s only 40... Something.

Gerrard: For me.

Alec (beat): Why?

Gerrard: I’m getting older.

Alec: No, why is she- why is Melanie talking about your career decisions? (beat) You guys getting serious?

Gerrard: I’d like to think so, but what do I know.

Alec: Not much.

Gerrard: So basically, I’m just trying to avoid losing yardage, which, you know, isn’t always easy with that girl.

Alec: You thinking about it?

Gerrard: Retirement?

Alec: Yeah.

Gerrard: A little.

Alec: Josh is going to freak.

Gerrard: I’m not telling Josh.

Alec: Well, I am.

Gerrard: Wait, don’t-

Alec: I’m telling Josh everything. We’re like a hive mind, anyway. It’s a sophisticated networking of ideas; you can’t stop it.

Gerrard: Alec, all I said was that I was considering it.

Alec: And when I say ‘freak,’ I’m talking bath robes and Cheetos, man. Marky’s gone to the store and don’t expect the donuts!

Gerrard: What are you-

Alec: I can’t do this. I have to deal with Babs in there, I can’t have Josh melting down too!

Gerrard: Alec, calm down.

Alec (deep breath): I’m going back in there.

Gerrard: Good. You alright?

Alec: No, Gerrard, I am not alright. (beat) I am going back in there. (walks away slowly)

Shift. Late, ADTEO. Caelyn comes into the office. Ess is oblivious to her presence.

Caelyn: What are you doing here, sweetie?

Ess: Hey, you’re back.

Caelyn: It’s 11 o’clock.

Ess: Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.

Caelyn (beat): Josh made me eat special sauce today.

Ess (beat): Okay.

Caelyn: How was your day?

Ess: No special sauce, so, you know, that’s good.

Caelyn: Yeah.

Ess: There’s a lot to do, and it’s like I’m not getting anywhere.

Caelyn: It’ll be okay.

Ess: Yeah.

Caelyn (beat): What are you working on?

Ess: Um, well. (laughs) Bridesmaid dresses.

Caelyn: Ooh, yay. I’m just in time.

Ess (laughs): You don’t want to be here right now.

Caelyn: Are you kidding? I live for this. Okay, so show me what we’ve ruled out.

Ess (beat, smiles): Okay. Okay, well, I pretty much discarded the first two pages, because unless I’m having my wedding in a disco hall-

Caelyn (giggles): Yeah.

Fade out on them talking.

End scene.