Ep 8

Scene 1: ADTEO - Josh, Luke, Caelyn.

Luke: Josh.

Josh: Yeah?

Luke: My dad is in town this week.

Josh: Oh yeah? Need some time off?

Luke: No, that’s cool. I was just wondering if it’d be all right if he came for a brief tour or something.

Josh: That’s no problem.

Luke: Thanks. I really want him to see me working at a respectable place.

Josh: Then why are you bringing him here?

Luke (snickers): Right. I’m pretty sure this would count in his book.

Caelyn: You know, your dad will love you no matter where you work.

Luke: I’m sorry?

Caelyn: You don’t need to impress him, is all I’m saying.

Luke: He bet me fifty dollars. When I was still working in service, he bet me fifty dollars that I would never get a respectable job.

Caelyn: Your dad told you that you would never make it anywhere in life?

Luke (nods): Bet me fifty dollars.

Caelyn (beat): Okay.

Josh snickers.

Luke: What? Your dad was Mr. Cunningham?

Caelyn: What?

Luke: The dad from Happy Days. Howard Cunningham?

Caelyn: What’s ‘happy days?’

Luke: You hearing this, Josh?

Josh: Yeah.

Luke: She doesn’t know who Mr. Cunningham is.

Josh: I’m surprised you do.

Luke: I know culture.

Josh: You really don’t.

Luke: Well, I know of it.

Josh: Fair enough.

Caelyn: My dad died when I was four.

Luke (beat): I’m sorry. I didn’t-

Josh (to Luke): Maybe tomorrow you can push her down and then kick her. (Luke glares at him, and Josh shrugs)

Luke: I’m really sorry.

Caelyn: He didn’t really. He lives somewhere in Wyoming.

Luke: That’s not funny.

Caelyn: Wyoming is funny.

Luke: I mean saying your dad is dead and making me feel bad.

Caelyn: I thought it was funny.

Luke: It wasn’t.

Caelyn: Your face went (makes a face).

Luke: That face means it wasn’t funny.

Caelyn: Josh laughed.

Luke: No, he didn’t.

Caelyn: He would have if he had seen it.

Luke: Seen what?

Caelyn: Your face.

Luke: My face was funny?

Caelyn: Among other things.

Luke: Okay. Whatever.

The elevator opens, and Alec and Ess walk out.

Caelyn: Good morning.

Ess: Morning.

Alec: Hey.

Luke: So?

Alec: What?

Luke: How’d it go?

Alec: I am sure I do not know what you are talking about.

Josh: You are sure you do not know, are you, Hal?

Alec: Mock me if you must.

Josh: I must.

Alec: I figured.

Luke: The date. How was the date?

Alec: Great.

Ess: Very nice.

Alec: We had a good time.

Ess: Yeah.

Alec (beat): Yeah.

Luke: You see a movie?

Ess: Yes, we did.

Alec: Did indeed.

Ess: It was nice.

Alec: Yes, it was.

Luke (beat): So are you going to be weird all the time now, or is this a passing thing?

Ess: We’re not being weird.

Josh: Yeah, ya’ are.

Ess: We are not.

Caelyn: Kind of weird.

Ess: Hey!

Caelyn: Sorry.

Ess: Better be.

End Scene 1.


Scene 2: ADTEO - Janie, Alec, Caelyn, Ess, and Luke. Caelyn picks up her phone and calls someone. Ess’ phone rings.

Ess (into phone): ADTE, Agent Aben speaking.

Caelyn (phone): So what happened?

Ess: Caelyn?

Caelyn: Shh. I’m undercover.

Ess: Well, you know, I’d tell you, but it might be too weird.

Caelyn: Don’t be penitent.

Ess: Penitent?

Caelyn: Yeah.

Ess: Petulant?

Caelyn: Penitent doesn’t mean ‘petty?’

Ess: No, it means ‘contrite.’

Caelyn: I thought it meant petty.

Ess: That’s petulant.

Caelyn: Are you sure?

Ess: I have a thesaurus right here.

Caelyn: Well, you’re being cranky, too.

Ess: Not helping.

Caelyn: So what happened?

Ess: Whose side are you on, now?

Caelyn: Yours!

Ess: Earlier, it didn’t seem-

Caelyn: I was undercover.

Ess: Then or now?

Caelyn: Then.

Ess: Why are we talking on the phone, again?

Caelyn (beat): I’m still undercover.

Ess: I don’t know. I’m not certain you’re trustworthy.

Caelyn: Definitions aside, I think you’re being penitent.

Ess: And it’s not like I don’t expect it from Josh, but you-

Caelyn: Look, I know you want to tell me.

Ess: I also want to punish you.

Caelyn: It’s been forty-five minutes already. That’s akin to a flogging.

Ess (giggles): Okay, fine. Meet me in the hall.

Caelyn: You go first.

Ess: Why?

Caelyn: So they don’t suspect anything.

Ess: I’m pretty sure they already do.

Caelyn: Well, that’s not my fault.

Ess hangs up and walks out. After a moment, Caelyn follows.

Janie: Okay, Alec.

Alec: What?

Janie: Spill the details.

Alec: No.

Janie: I thought we were friends, Alec.

Alec: Oops.

Janie: Alec!

Alec: What?

Janie: Ess is telling Caelyn everything. Would you rather we heard it from her?

Alec: Ess or Caelyn?

Janie: Either.

Alec: I really don’t care.

Luke: Come on, you wuss.

Alec: Hey Luke, how are your girlfriends? I say “friends” because I understand it’s still plural.

Luke: Leave me alone.

Alec: Does your dad know about that, I wonder?

Luke: Janie, leave the man alone.

Josh exits his office.

Josh: Hey, guys, we have - where are the girls?

Janie: Ess kissed and is now telling.

Alec: We didn’t kiss.

Janie: Well, better luck next time, Al.

Alec: Don’t call me that.

Janie: What movie did you see?

Alec (sighs): The one with the underdog sports team that shows a lot of heart.

Janie: Seriously.

Alec: Go busybody elsewhere.

Janie: Josh, make him tell me things.

Josh: I get the feeling that often times you mistake the bounds of my authority.

Shift to hall - Ess and Caelyn.

Ess: And then we went and saw that new Marty Simmons movie, where he wakes up from the coma.

Caelyn: Ooh, I want to see that. He’s so cute.

Ess: I know! It’s a great movie, too. So romantic, and I cried at the end.

Caelyn: Happy or sad?

Ess: I’m not going to spoil it for you.

Scene shift - main offices.

Janie: And are you going out again?

Alec: I think so. It went well, you know? I made her laugh, and I wasn’t stupid, so…

Josh looks at him blankly a moment then gives him an exaggerated ‘two-thumbs up’ gesture. Alec scowls.

Josh: Yeah, okay, so we have to go to the Office Protocol meeting today, after lunch.

Luke: Come on!

Josh: Dude, you’re so loud.

Luke: Josh, don’t make us do this.

Josh: Not my call.

Alec: You know what? I’m not going to let this get me down.

Josh: Good.

Alec: I’m having a good day, and I am going to continue to do so.

Josh: I like your pluck.

Alec: I’m sorry?

Josh: Somebody let the girls know when they get back.

Luke: I hate these ‘classes.’

Alec: Blocking out the negativity.

Janie: I, for one, am happy with the news. (grins) I get to go home after lunch.

Alec: And I am happy for you, Janie.

Janie: Thank you, Alec.

Luke: Give me a break.

Alec: Luke, you know what you need?

Luke: If you say ‘a hug’ then I am going to smack you down.

Alec: No, man. A song. The skies are gonna’ clear up! Put on a happy-

Luke throws a book at him. Janie snickers.

Scene shift - hall.

Ess: The best part was how he was just so sweet, the whole time. I mean he was…

Caelyn: Charming?

Ess: Well… sweet.

Caelyn: See, I almost thought you were going to say something else that time.

Ess: It’s a big deal! I mean, funny is good, charming is good, but sometimes a girl wants their guy to be sweet.

Caelyn: Which I hear Alec was.

Ess: He really was!

Caelyn (grins and hugs Ess): I’m glad for you. (beat) We better get back before they realize we’re in cahoots.

Ess: Yeah. Or before I start talking like you.

Scene shift - main offices. Gerrard enters.

Janie: Hey, boss.

Gerrard just grunts.

Alec: You okay there, big guy?

Gerrard: Don’t call me that.

Alec: Okay.

Gerrard: I was up all night listening to the neighbors three dogs.

Luke: You should have called them.

Gerrard (turns and glares at Luke): Why are you talking? Did you feel an important voice was being omitted from this conversation?

Janie: Wow, you’re pretty nasty if you don’t get sleep.

Gerrard: Yeah, it’s a condition I have called ‘humanity!’

Alec: Good one, big guy.

Gerrard looks at him angrily.

Alec: Oops.

Gerrard (glares for a moment, then stalks into his office): Josh!

Josh steps out of his office.

Josh: He okay?

Alec: Seemed fine. Cheerful.

Josh: Cheerful?

Alec: Hey, don’t ask me.

Josh looks confused then goes into Gerrard’s office.

Janie: So… Luke.

Luke: Leave me alone, thou strange woman.

Janie: Any of your girlfriends seem like serious prospects?

Luke (beat): I miss Tanya.

Alec: The librarian?

Luke: She’s not a librarian.

Alec: I thought she was.

Luke: She’s dating a librarian!

Alec: Oh yeah. Heh.

Luke: Shut up.

Janie: That’s a little obsessive.

Luke: I know.

Alec: What’s it like being dumped for a librarian?

Luke: You know what? Take your pluck and-

Ess and Caelyn enter.

Caelyn: Yes, they do.

Ess: Not real ones, no.

Caelyn: I’ve heard people. Real people!

Ess: They really don’t. Alec, do people use the word ‘cahoots?’

Caelyn: Hey, you can’t ask him.

Ess: Why not?

Caelyn just looks at her.

Luke: Ooh, I know! ‘Cause you’re in love with him.

Ess: What!?

Luke: Alec told us.

Ess: Excuse me?

Alec: Don’t listen to him. He’s waging war on my pluck.

Caelyn (beat as Ess and Caelyn look at him): Okay, ask someone else.

Ess: Where’s Josh?

Alec: Talking to Gerrard.

Janie: Probably getting dressed down like a new recruit on a field day.

Caelyn: What does that mean?

Ess (shrugs, to Caelyn about Janie): Sometimes she just says words.

Josh walks out of the office, giving Alec a look. Alec just smiles.

Josh: Okay, listen up. We have the ‘office protocols’ class today after lunch.

Josh heads to his office.

Ess: Josh!

Josh comes back out.

Josh: What?

Caelyn: Is ‘cahoots’ a word?

Ess: Today!?

Josh (to Caelyn): Yes, but it’s not one people say. (to Ess) Don’t complain.

Ess: Why not?

Josh: Be more like Alec. He’s plucky.

Alec: Yeah, I’m not liking that distinction so much anymore.

Ess: Fine. I can do that.

Josh: Be plucky?

Ess: Not complain.

Josh: It’s a noble endeavor.

Ess: I can.

Josh: Sure.

Ess: Josh!

Josh: You’re our resident George Costanza.

Ess: That’s mean. (To Caelyn) Tell him he’s being mean.

Caelyn (looking at Alec): He is rather plucky, today.

Ess (muttering): ‘Cahoots’ is not a word people say.

Caelyn: Oh, but they say ‘plucky?’

Ess (beat): Fine, we’ll ask Gerrard.

Luke: Good idea.

Caelyn: What’s this class supposed to be about?

Alec: How to behave in the office.

Caelyn: I actually knew that much.

Josh: You know, rules, guidelines. Not shooting me again. Basic stuff.

Caelyn: Oh, I see. Just in time, too.

Josh gives her an amused look, and she just smiles.

Janie: I don’t have to go.

Caelyn: Why not?

Janie: Loop-holes. (she grins)

Alec: Who’s giving the class?

Josh: Paul Finely.

Ess: Hey, you love Paul Finely.

Josh: I hate Paul Finely.

Ess: Oh, yeah.

Luke: Then why are you making us go?

Josh: Because I secretly hate you too.

Luke: Josh.

Josh: Okay, maybe not so secretly.

Luke: Seriously.

Josh: It’s mandatory, Luke. I don’t decide this one. (beat) That’s why I’m always there, too.

Ess: At least your best friend Paul Finely is the one-

Josh: Ess.

Ess: Oh, yeah.

Fade out. End Scene 2.


Scene 3: ADTEO, early morning. Josh is working alone, walks out of his office and sees Caelyn at her desk.

Josh: Hey, you’re here early.

Caelyn: Hey. (beat) Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.

Josh: You look terrible.

Caelyn: Thanks, that helps.

Josh: I mean, you don’t need to be here if you don’t feel like it.

Caelyn: Really? ‘Cause it sounded like you think my face scares small children.

Josh: I didn’t-

Caelyn: Then why did you say it?

Josh (beat): I was lying.

Caelyn: Now I’m going to site here and try not cry.

Josh: Did you sleep at all last night?

Caelyn: No.

Josh: What’s wrong?

Caelyn: I couldn’t sleep.

Josh: Why?

Caelyn: Insomnia.

Josh: Caelyn.

Caelyn: You should be impressed my mind is currently functioning this well.

Josh: You should go home.

Caelyn: And not sleep some more?

Josh: Is it because you were feeling guilty about that time you shot me?

Caelyn: No, I’m cool with that.

Josh: Personal problems?

Caelyn: No.

Josh: You sick?

Caelyn: I don’t think so.

Josh: Because Paul Finely often makes me sick.

Caelyn: My head hurts.

Josh: Seriously, go home.

Caelyn: My head will hurt there, too.

Josh: Then go to the doctor.

Caelyn: Doctors are useless.

Josh: Did someone drop a cinderblock on you? Is that what happened?

Caelyn: I’m fine.

Josh: No, you’re not.

Caelyn: Yes, I am.

Josh: Your head hurts, and you haven’t slept.

Caelyn: Sounds like the perfect time for paperwork.

Josh: Caelyn.

Caelyn: Really, I’m fine.

Josh: Why don’t you want to go home?

Caelyn (beat): It’s lonely there.

Josh: It’s lonely?

Caelyn: I like it here.

Josh (beat): My office has a sofa you can use. I’ll work at your desk.

Caelyn: What?

Josh: Go get some sleep.

Caelyn: You sure?

Josh: Yeah.

Caelyn: Only for a few hours.

Josh: Okay.

Caelyn: Thanks.

Josh: You should probably look into why you aren’t sleeping.

Caelyn: Because my head hurts and I have chills.

Josh: You have chills?

Caelyn: Yeah.

Josh: You have the flu!

Caelyn: No, I don’t.

Josh: And it’s apparently making you delirious.

Caelyn: I don’t have the flu.

Josh: Go to sleep, and then I’m taking you to the doctor after work.

Caelyn: I don’t need-

Josh: Stop. Go to sleep.

Caelyn: Okay.

Scene shift - (later) main office, Josh is working at Caelyn‘s desk, Luke enters.

Luke: Josh?

Josh: What’s up?

Luke: Why is your office closed?

Josh: Caelyn’s sleeping on the sofa.

Luke: Why?

Josh: Because she has the flu, and was up all night, and now she’s delirious.

Luke: If only there were doctors in this part of the world.

Josh: I’m taking her after work.

Alec enters via elevator.

Alec: Good morning, fellow workmen! I feel like a new person.

Luke: Shut up.

Alec: I feel like an illuminated being, filled with joy of knowledge.

Luke: He’s a walking self-help brochure.

Alec: I have been touched by science, and the mists of ignorance have been dispelled.

Josh: Bro, it wasn’t a cult meeting.

Luke: Still, if you say ‘touched’ by science again, I may have to make some phone calls.

Alec: I could be mistaken, but I don’t think either one of you is fostering a healthy work environment.

Luke (snorts): Neither is Caelyn.

Josh: You’re dad coming today?

Luke: Yeah.

Josh: Anything you want me to tell him?

Luke: About what?

Josh: I don’t know. Anything that would impress him.

Luke: You’d do that?

Josh: Of course.

Luke (beat): I find myself not trusting you.

Alec: I, for one, will act like an officer of the ADTE both while I am on the clock and off, for I know I am representing a public entity.

Luke (to Josh): He’d probably like to see me shoot somebody.

Josh: Alec’s available.

Luke: Excellent.

Alec: Why aren’t you in your office?

Josh: Caelyn’s sleeping in there.

Alec (to Luke): Then again, if you shoot your boss, you get to take naps in his office.

Ess enters via elevator.

Ess: It’s cold out there!

Alec: Is it?

Ess: What?

Alec: Is it?

Ess: Is it what?

Alec: Cold.

Ess: I just said-

Alec: I know. I was… showing interest.

Ess: Oh.

Josh: Another Hallmark Special Moment.

Ess: That reminds me; I gave Paul your cell number.

Josh: Why?

Ess: Because of the Hallmark Moment thing.

Josh: But I just said that.

Ess: I had a feeling.

Josh: Uncanny.

Ess: I think so.

Caelyn walks out.

Caelyn: I’m sick.

Josh: Really?

Ess: Oh, honey, you look awful.

Caelyn (pitifully): I know.

Josh: Why aren’t you sleeping?

Caelyn: I threw up in your waste-basket.

Josh (to Luke): Seriously, anyone in the room is fair game.

Ess: Come on, I’m taking you to the doctor.

Caelyn: Okay.

Josh: Wait, how come when she says that, you’re all agreeable?

Ess: Josh! Leave her alone.

Josh: Sorry. (beat) You puked in my waste-basket?

Ess: Josh!

Josh: Sorry. (to Luke) It’s your lucky day!

Luke: No.

Josh: Sorry, man.

Luke: No! Wait for Janie.

Josh: I can’t. It might have permeated by then.

Caelyn (very sick): I’m sorry.

Josh: Don’t worry about it. Luke will take care of it.

Luke sighs and goes into the office. The elevator opens and Janie and Mr. Sorrason walk out.

Janie: Hey, guys, this is- Caelyn, you look sick!

Ess: I’m taking her to the doctor.

Janie: Josh!

Josh: What?

Janie: You shouldn’t have made her come in today! She looks awful.

Josh looks at her blankly.

Janie: By the way, this is Mr. Artie Sorrason.

Josh stands up to shake his hand as Luke comes out with the waste-basket at arms length.

Luke: How long before I get taken off vomit duty- (sees his father) Hey, dad.

Artie: Vomit duty?

Alec: Could not have planned this better.

Scene shift- sometime later after Luke disposed of the vomit.

Artie: Pay up.

Luke: Dad, I kill monsters on a weekly basis.

Artie: I don’t see monsters. I did see the vomit.

Josh: He was doing me a favor.

Artie: You’re the one who’s his boss?

Josh: I like to think of myself as an elevated colleague.

Artie: I see.

Josh: We’re very fortunate to have Luke working here with us at Sierra.

Alec (off-screen): Luke! Somebody messed up the bathroom real bad!

Josh (to Artie): He’s kidding.

Luke: Yeah, I’m not coming back from the vomit.

Artie (laughs): Here. (hands Luke a fifty dollar bill) You won the moment I walked into the lobby.

Luke (grins): Thanks.

Artie: Can you show me where you keep all the guns?

Luke: Ah, I can’t. The armory is off limits. I can take you to the shooting range, and the training area. We can shoot some stuff.

Artie: Sounds good.

Luke: How long before you need me back?

Josh: Tomorrow at 4am.

Luke: Yeah? Thanks, man.

Artie: You have a mission tomorrow?

Luke: Yeah, heading back to New York.

Artie: Is it dangerous?

Luke (beat): Not especially so.

Artie: Mr. Mortiz?

Josh: Call me Josh.

Artie: Okay. Josh, is it dangerous?

Josh: All our missions have elements of danger. That’s why we’re trained so well.

Artie: I see.

Luke: Come on, let’s go.

Artie: Okay.

Luke: Thanks, Josh.

Luke and Artie exit. Alec enters and they pass.

Alec: Nice guy.

Josh: Yeah.

Alec (beat): You miss your dad?

Josh: Every day.

Alec: Me too.

Josh: If Caelyn’s out tomorrow, you’re on perimeter.

Alec: That’s fine.

Josh: She didn’t think she was sick.

Alec: Women are psycho.

Josh: They really are.

Fade out. End Scene 3.


Scene 4: Ess’ car - Ess and Caelyn. (Caelyn is drugged up and sleepy)

Ess: You okay over there?

Caelyn: I’m cold.

Ess (turns heat on): Here.

Caelyn: Thanks.

Ess: You shouldn’t have come in today.

Caelyn: I know.

Ess: Why did you?

Caelyn: I don’t like my apartment.

Ess (laughs): Really?

Caelyn: I like you guys.

Ess (grins): Yeah. We like you too.

Caelyn: Thanks for taking care of me.

Ess: I was thinking.

Caelyn: About Alec?

Ess: No, not about Alec. Are you thinking about Alec?

Caelyn: Now I am.

Ess: I was thinking I could use a roommate.

Caelyn: Use them for what?

Ess: Rent.

Caelyn: You’re going to sell you’re roommate?

Ess: Caelyn, what exactly did they give you in there?

Caelyn: Lots of… stuff, I think.

Ess: I was saying that I’ve been considering getting a roommate again. My apartment is way too big for just me, but my last two roommates were complete disasters, and I haven‘t been looking for a replacement.

Caelyn: Oh.

Ess: Caelyn?

Caelyn: What?

Ess: Do you want to be my roommate?

Caelyn: Me?

Ess: Yeah.

Caelyn: Yes.

Ess: Are you going to remember this conversation?

Caelyn: I don’t think so.

Ess: I’ll ask you again tomorrow.

Caelyn: Okay.

Ess: Try not to go to sleep. We’re almost home.

Caelyn: Okay.

Long moment of silence.

Ess: Cae.

Caelyn: What?

Ess: You’re almost sleeping.

Caelyn: Sorry.

Ess: Just a little ways.

Scene shift - ADTEO.

Gerrard: Luke, is this your father?

Luke: Yes, sir.

Gerrard (extends hand): Gerrard Sully. (they shake)

Artie: Artie Sorrason.

Gerrard: Luke give you the tour?

Artie: Yes, he did.

Gerrard: Ah, it’s a pity they won’t let you into the trainnig area. You would have enjoyed that.

Luke (beat): He’s kidding, dad. I’m not in trouble.

Artie: Oh. Good.

Gerrard: We’re very proud of Luke here. He’s done a remarkable job.

Artie: Wasn’t he almost fired a few months ago?

Gerrard (beat): Well, that happens to the best of us.

Artie: I see.

Gerrard: What is it you do, Mr. Sorrason?

Artie: I recently retired from Geneosis Labs. (beat) Early retirement.

Gerrard: I’m sure you earned it. Geneosis does good work.

Artie: That they do.

Gerrard: Well, you two enjoy your day. I’m going out for lunch. (nods and exits)

Artie: I really should be going.

Luke: Yeah.

Artie: I’m proud of you, son.

Luke: Thanks.

Artie: It looks like you have something good here. Don’t mess it up, okay?

Luke: I won’t.

Artie: Good boy. (shakes his hand) Take care of yourself.

Luke: You too.

Artie pauses, smiles, and exits.

Alec: You know, you’re lucky.

Luke: Yeah.

Alec: Good.

Luke: Thanks for not mentioning the girlfriend situation.

Alec (laughs): Yeah, I’m really not out to get you, man.

Luke: I know.

Alec: I’m going to take off in a few hours, try and get some sleep before tomorrow. You should get out of here while you have the chance.

Luke: Yeah, you’re probably right. (beat) I don’t mean to pry, so tell me to back off if I am. (Alec looks up at him questioningly) What happened to you parents?

Alec: After the cataclysm occurred, they were never found.

Luke (nods): I’m sorry.

Alec: Thank you. (he shrugs) Same thing with Josh’s entire family. Ess lost a brother.

Luke: I am lucky.

Alec (smiles): Yeah.

Luke: I’ll see you later, Alec.

Alec: Take it easy.

Luke exits. After a moment, Josh exits his office.

Josh: It smells in there.

Alec: Gross.

Josh: It’s like dead fish.

Alec: Or, you know, vomit.

Josh: Yeah.

Alec: Do we need to be here?

Josh: I really don’t think we do.

Alec: I mean, no one else is here.

Josh: No one but us.

Alec: That’s what I’m saying.

Josh: Well… that’s just not right.

Alec: If they can leave before lunch, why not us?

Josh: Yes.

Alec: Good.

Josh: Want to throw rocks at cars?

Alec: Strangely, yeah, but I’m trying to be mature now.

Josh: Okay. I’ll not to enable you, then.

Alec: Appreciate it.

Josh: We could go take some loser’s money at the casino.

Alec: I like it.

Josh: Let me grab my coat.

The two of them gather their things and exit. Fade out. End Scene 4.